The pain behind the pride
by ValoraSelene
Summary: Arthur finally realises his feeling for Merlin, but what good is that? It's not like Merlin could ever return is affections, is it? Arthur's p.o.v, showing he is not as heartless as he may seem. Merthur, so some inevittable fluff and slash. Rated T (just to be safe) ;)


Hi everyone, this is a fanfic from Arthur's p.o.v and his unrequited (or so he thinks) feelings for Merlin. Fluff and slash. This is my first ever fanfic so please, please review, I'd reall appreciate it. I hope you enjoy reading it . ;)

"Merlin!" Arthur's cry echoed around his room, "Merlin!". To no one's surprise, Merlin was late. Again. "Typical," thought Arthur. He didn't know why he kept Merlin as a servant. He was clumsy, disoraganised...late. Arthur sighed, he could have his pick of any manservant in Camelot and they would be happy...no privileged to attend to his every need, but no; he had to have Merlin, and though Arthur would never admit it, he would never change his servant...his...friend, for anyon-

Merlin burst into the room, flinging the door against the wall, hurriedly excusing himself for his lateness. Arthur smiled to himself, never a quite moment with Merlin. "I'm sorry sire, I had to...I mean Gaius wanted me to-"

"Stop the excuses Merlin, the king is expecting me to give my report on the attack of the surrounding villages by noon and I'm not even dressed yet"

"Don't worry sire, one day you'll be able to do it yourself," Merlin smirked as he walked to Arthur's wardrobe to pick out his clothes for the day.

Arthur watched as Merlin rummaged in his belongings, watched how his black hair was almost blue in the light, watched his face as the sunlight cast shadows on his face, emphasising his high, perfect cheekbones. Arthur blushed, "No," he thought to himself "No. I am crowned prince of Camelot. It is my duty to my father, to my people, to rule this kingdom. I cannot afford to be soft. Especially not for Merlin"

But his resolve disintegrated as Merlin finally strolled back towards him, a set of clean clothes in his hands and that lopsided grin on his face that made Arthur's heart flutter.

Merlin slipped Arthur's shirt over his head, Arthur's heart stuttering as he felt the warmth of Merlin's long fingers seep through the thin shirt, leaving trails of heat along his chest. He looked up to see Merlin talking, but could not hear a word he was saying, too focused was he on the shapes that Merlin's pink, slightly chapped lips formed.

Arthur leant forward, curious to feel what form Merlin's lips would take against his when Merlin stepped back to admire his work, grinning, "Do you think you can manage that yourself next time, sire?" asked Merlin, his happiness fading as he looked at Arthur's face. "Arthur? What's wrong? You know I was only joki-"

"I managed to figured that out all on my own Merlin. I must go and find father, he will be expecting my report" he snapped, hurrying from the room, determined not to let Merlin see the broken look on his face.

Arthur ran a hand through his hair, how could he have been so stupid. How could he even dream to think of kissing Merlin? There were too many obstacles to overcome: Merlin was a servant, Arthur crowned prince of Camelot, not to mentioned the fact that Merlin was a man. How could Arthur have fallen in love with his manservant, for he knew that he was. Arthur had never felt such feelings for anyone, never felt such a desire to care for, to touch, to feel and to be cared, touched and felt in return. How could he have fallen in love with his bumbling, foolish, idiotic manservant? With his Merlin?

"And now", Arthur groaned internally, "and now he knows that I love him. He must. And he will never return my affection, no matter how strongly I care for him". Tears threatened to flow from Arthur's eyes. Blinking back his sorrow and squaring his shoulders Arthur walked to meet his father, determined that no one should see the pain that was ripping his heart apart.

The meeting with his father had been as boring as he had expected, doing nothing to dull the ache in his chest. Arthur needed a distraction, something to rid him of the agony in his mangled, twisted heart. He decided on hunting. A bittersweet smile crossed his face as he imagined Merlin's reaction: "how can killing an innocent creature make you happy? Yeah, that deer over there doesn't mind if you shoot him, as long as you feel better".

Arthur walked into his bedroom to retrieve his sword, shifting piles of dirty clothes and old parchment aside. Merlin really was a useless servant. "Damn it Merlin" muttered Arthur under his breath.

"What did I do now?" Came Merlin's voice from the corner of his room. Arthur jumped, he hadn't known he was there."Nothing unusual Merlin, just neglecting your duties again" Arthur replied, grabbing his sword and turning to leave, Merlin on his heels. "Where are we going?" Asked Merlin. Arthur sighed, so much for a nice quiet hunting trip to rid his thoughts of Merlin. . "Hunting," he replied. "Oh great," muttered Merlin under his breath "another chance to shoot a cute little bunny".

Hunting with Merlin was impossible. He forgot half of Arthur's equipment, but Arthur supposed that didn't matter: there was nothing to hunt anyway with Merlin's incessant chatter and ability to loudly snap every twig that he came across.

But that wasn't important to Arthur, he didn't really care what they did, as long as they did it together. Arthur was watching Merlin walk, thump, along. There was a tension in the air, things were quieter that usual without Merlin's normally endless talking.

"Merlin..." Arthur started, glad that Merlin's eyes instantly snapped to his. That was until, Merlin, typicially, managed to slam into a low hanging branch and keel over backwards unconscious.

In an instant, Arthur was by his side. He brushed his raven jagged fringe back from his forehead to find a crimson lump rising from Merlin's otherwise flawless skin. Merlin's lips parted and a groan escaped them. Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. Although it hurt Arthur to think of his pain, his Merlin was alive.

Gently, Arthur slid his arms under Merlin and cradled him against his chest, carrying him to a nearby stream. Arthur tore a strip of the bottom of his shirt and soaked it in the water. Laying Merlin's head in his lap, Arthur tenderly placed the makeshift rag on his head. "Oh Merlin," he sighed, smiling a little at his friends clumsiness. Only Merlin could be knocked out by a tree.

Watching Merlin's eyes flutter briefly in his slumber, Arthur decided to explain his feelings to Merlin's unconscious form. "Merlin," he began, "Merlin, when you first arrived in Camelot, we didn't...exactly get off to the best of starts. But then as I got to know you, the real you, I realised you didn't annoy me as much as I thought. At the time Merlin, I thought that I had come to respect you, like you just...just as a friend. But now," Arthur sped up, his words streaming from his mouth in a torrent of passion "now I realise it was something more. Something, far more powerful. I love you Merlin. I tried to hide my feelings behind my sarcasm, my insults. I've never been good at telling the people I care about just how much I love them. And I care about you, Merlin. I love you" He looked away, "I'm so, so sorry" he whispered, eyes on the forest floor.

"Out of all the things you could apologise for, you choose that?" piped up Merlin. Arthur's eyes flew to Merlin's face, horrified. If Merlin hadn't known before, he did now. Merlin's smirk softened into a smile as he stared up at Arthur "and you really don't need to apologise"

"Yes I do Merlin. I'm sorry. I don't expect you to return my feelings in anyway, and I understand if you no longer wish to be my manservant but I-"

"Clotpole" interrupted Merlin, sitting up to brush his lips against Arthur's.

Arthur froze. He could feel the gentle pressure that Merlin's soft lips applied to his own. He could smell the faint herbal scent of Merlin's clothes and body. He could feel the heat from Merlin's skin soaking into his own and warming his very core. He could feel it but he could not respond to it, no more than he could control the erratic beating of his own heart.

As Merlin leant away Arthur managed to stutter "what...Merlin...does this mean that you. Like. me?"

"No," replied Merlin, "it means that I love you"

A smile slowly spread across Arthur's face as Merlin's confession penetrated his mind. "Forget girls petticoat, Merlin, you are such a girl"

Arthur laughed, leaning forward and stopping Merlin's retort with his lips. This kiss was longer, more passionate. Arthur felt his and Merlin's lips moving in harmony, performing a complex dance as the tip of Merlin's tounge traced the outline of Arthur's bottom lip. Eventually they broke away, gasping for air. They smiled at each other and Merlin leant his head on Arthur's shoulder. Neither said anything, they didn't need to. They were too busy trying to capture this perfect moment, and make it last forever.


End file.
